A couple days ago, I was driving down an old country road south of Nashville near my secluded neighborhood heading to the playground. I had my three knuckle-heads strapped in the back of my 2010 Buick Enclave (not to brag) and I was burning rubber. We are talking at least 10 over the speed limit. Possibly 15. I’m a badass.
As I’m blaring “Baby Shark” through the speakers I start to really get in a zone. I come fish tale’n around a curve going at least 55mph when all the sudden I see a frickin cop parked in the weeds facing the opposite way.
He sees me. I see him.
For a moment in time we were connected – him knowing I’m a speed demon racing for the park to snag the best bench under the tree in the shade – and me knowing theres not a single thing in this world this law “enforcement” officer can do to stop me.
He flashes his lights. It’s on baby.
Immediately, I start planning my escape route. He’s on my turf. I know all the side streets and hidden drive-way’s within a 15 mile radius of my house. No way I’m getting a ticket. Not today.
As I start nearing fork in the road. I have a few options:
Route 1: Continue to the playground. It’s an open road, close to the highway though if I really want to make things interesting. Probably the easiest way for him to catch me but also the best route for my speed advantage.
Route 2: The loop around back to the neighborhood. Get him back to where I really feel comfortable. No way he knows about the drive-able grassy knoll behind my neighbors house that leads to the power lines.
Route 3: The cow pasture. Get the animals involved. They know me and they would know if I was in distress. Last thing a cop wants is a couple hundred spotted beasts against him.
Turns out, he never wanted any action. And long story short, I’m pretty sure he just flashed his lights at me as a warning to slow down. Which I did.
Doesn’t change the fact that I broke the law and got away with it. In my opinion, if the lights come on and I got away, that counts as an escape. Point for Coach.
All time record = Cops, 23 – Coach, 1