Bath Poops

Last Wednesday I got my kids the flu shot. For those of you lucky enough to not experience the craziness that happens with kids the day after these cocaine injections, here is a bit of insight.

The entire day was bananas. I’ll spare you of most of the details, but I do want to share the apex of the day. If you read the title, you know what’s coming, but it’s better than you thought.

Shortly after putting my kids in the bath, I had to make a quick phone call. It is standard operating procedure for me to leave the babies in the tub for a few minutes, especially with my 4 year old on watch. She is quick to yell “DADDY” as soon as something goes awry. Usually it’s something small, like someone bumped their head, got water in their eyes, or lost their favorite toy in a mountain of bubbles.

While I was wrapping up my phone call in the next room over, I hear a panicked voice echoing out of the bathroom, “Daddy! Someone went poo-poo in the bath!” This was not a normal situation. I sprung into action. Running into the bathroom, I was expecting to see a small amount of butt juice floating around the water.

There was nothing small about this poop. I could put a picture of my kids excretion in the blog, or I could just let you imagine what it looked like. This is essentially what I walked into.

Bath Poop

There were two grown man level logs floating around my babies. At this point, Vera was only one suspect. No way a 19 month old baby could push these turds out. Vera immediately went on the defense. Before I was even able to grab the kids out of the tub, she was yelling “It wasn’t me!”

As Vera is denying her obvious poop mis-step, I’m removing the babies from the crime scene. Got to get them away from the Snickers bars. No time to dry them, just let them run. Bad idea. Kam immediately runs over to the catwalk and starts peeing down on the living room floor. To give you an idea of how far this drop is, here is a video of my wife shooting a basketball over that same catwalk. Now imagine watching a baby push his weiner through the spindles and making it rain below.

From IG, @bringdadabeer

After further review, it turns out Vera was right. She didn’t poop. While I was checking the babies butts for evidence, Sawyer was indeed the culprit. I still can’t believe that child out-pooped me this week. The best part of this whole story was Vera explaining the story to me.

Vera’s Poop Story

Before you even ask, I had everything cleaned up within 20 minutes. Floor was mopped, bath cleaned out, Vera’s hands were washed 5 times, everything was back to normal.

I still blame the flu shot for this craziness. Next year, I’ll just let my kids get sick and avoid the bath poops.


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