Wasted Haircuts

On episode 6 of Bring Dad a Beer, I briefly mentioned the fact that I may never need to get my haircut again. Like ever.

At my last haircut, I told my stylist that she is wasting good haircuts on me. She does an amazing job on my mop. Even though it probably came across as weird or even insulting, what I meant was that I never actually go out in public to display my beautiful locks.

Most of my days are spent inside the confines of my own house with a hat on. Even if I do venture out in public, I usually have a lid over my melon. So why do I continue to waste money on these stylish haircuts? It’s a question that has been bothering me for weeks.

The short answer is, I do it for my own vanity, or maybe my own sanity. Even if the potential for me to do my hair has been limited in my new job role as a SAHD, I need it to be ready to go on those once-every-three-month galas with Chelsea. As for my sanity, the other day I did my hair for no reason. Literally. I traded my joggers in for some jeans, did my hair, and just walked around the house. Vera asked me why I was “dressed up” and “where was I going” but… it felt good to throw some product in my mane.

Another reason I still get haircuts is because my wife makes me. I have offered multiple times to save our family a couple of dollars by taking the clippers to my own dome every 4 weeks and rocking the buzzcut. She will have no part of this. Here is some good evidence of why she may be right.

I’ve also tossed around the idea of channeling my inner high school junior year experiment of growing my hair out. Something I also tried in college, it’s probably not a good idea for a guy in his early thirties.

My last ditch option is to just take it all the way back to my childhood. I’m talking the bowl cut with the center part, baby. Things of this nature come and go in trends… bell bottoms, yo-yo’s, Pokémon cards, ass-less chaps… why can’t the bowl cut make a comeback? I’ve always considered myself a trend setter.

Realistically, the buzzcut is out, letting it flow is out, and I won’t be putting cereal containers up there anytime soon. The next logical step is to just bite the bullet and let Jon Alan Salon of Cool Springs (not a sponsor) do their magic. Besides, I don’t hate having an excuse for getting out of the house once a month, having a little “me” time, and getting pampered. Until my unavoidable baldness takes over my cranium, the saga continues.


2 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Went to the buzz, it’s so hard to come back from! Like down 15 in the fourth quarter. Thinking of going full man bun, I can put it right on top of my bald spot to hide it!

  2. This had me in stitches! I decided to take the clippers to mine last year because the missus kept on complaining about the fact I was getting a bit thin on top. After I had done it, she decides she hates it and wants me to grow it back. Grow what back, there is nothing there!!

    On the plus side, the buzz cut has knocked about 10 years off me!

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