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Who’s Breaking In?

Wake up to the babies crying. Check my phone. Run upstairs and grab the twins. Come back down stairs and start removing large amount of fecal matter from their nether-regions. Look around the house- everything is a mess.

This is how 90% of my days start. The first 30 minutes of the day are a disoriented state of returning texts, giving the babies a diaper wipe bath, grabbing the broom and cleaning up.

My day-to-day activities is not why you clicked though and it’s not why I’m here. I’m here because I need to figure out how I spend 29 hours each day cleaning my house, yet when I wake up every morning, it’s STILL messy.

There are only two reasonable explanations in my mind. Either Chelsea is a compulsive sleepwalker and is intentionally trashing the house every night like the Brennan and Dale from Step Brothers.

The other more likely possibility is that there is a nocturnal psychopath breaking into my house every night and having a party while I sleep. I feel like the guy from taken, “I don’t know who you are… but I will find you and I will kill you.” Whomever this man or woman is, they are clearly having a good time because there is always cereal on the floor, a bunch of dirty dishes and they are somehow wearing all my clothes and not putting them in the laundry. I wouldn’t even be upset with the whole “party while I sleep” thing if this person would just clean up a bit before they left.

At any rate, until I find out how this is happening, I need to get back to getting this house spiffied up for the weekend. Let me grab my broom.

This entry was posted in Family.
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