Wake up to the babies crying. Check my phone. Run upstairs and grab the twins. Come back down stairs and start removing large amount of fecal matter from their nether-regions. Look around the house- everything is a mess.
This is how 90% of my days start. The first 30 minutes of the day are a disoriented state of returning texts, giving the babies a diaper wipe bath, grabbing the broom and cleaning up.
My day-to-day activities is not why you clicked though and it’s not why I’m here. I’m here because I need to figure out how I spend 29 hours each day cleaning my house, yet when I wake up every morning, it’s STILL messy.
There are only two reasonable explanations in my mind. Either Chelsea is a compulsive sleepwalker and is intentionally trashing the house every night like the Brennan and Dale from Step Brothers.
The other more likely possibility is that there is a nocturnal psychopath breaking into my house every night and having a party while I sleep. I feel like the guy from taken, “I don’t know who you are… but I will find you and I will kill you.” Whomever this man or woman is, they are clearly having a good time because there is always cereal on the floor, a bunch of dirty dishes and they are somehow wearing all my clothes and not putting them in the laundry. I wouldn’t even be upset with the whole “party while I sleep” thing if this person would just clean up a bit before they left.
At any rate, until I find out how this is happening, I need to get back to getting this house spiffied up for the weekend. Let me grab my broom.